Opening up and letting go

I've been a big proponent of 'letting go' for a while now. I've let go of my attachment to having someone else take care of me by stepping outside of the confines of a sad marriage and remembering who I am.

I've let go of the expectation that people will change for me or that I must change in order for them to be happy. Letting go has served me well in realizing that who I am has nothing at all to do with who others think that I am, and the idea that who I am is not enough, though still hanging on for dear life, has taken its first giant steps out the door.

I'm being asked to let go again. A dear and truly loved friend, sister and source of endless illumination is moving away, tomorrow. I love her with all of my heart and know that the Mesas of New Mexico will heal her body, mind and soul. Even so, my heart aches, because I feel like I wasted so many opportunities to grow with her, to talk and hang out, to drum, to swim and to laugh. My own shit got in the way, and now, like a beautiful bird who's going on to the paradise she's been creating, she will be gone, and the opportunity for loving interaction is gone, too.

I know that I'll see her in the next few months, but she will be changed and in ways that only she can truly know. Of course I will be changed as well, having realized after the fact that all she ever really wanted was for me to be true to who I am, as she is to her own beautiful spirit.

There are many lessons here. Living my truth means that I must absolutely stop making excuses because I am not secure enough in who I am to let myself be vulnerable. If anything, Liz has taught me to just stop thinking so hard and trust myself and my gifts, which is a difficult thing to do when I've been unconsciously trying to convince myself that my gifts aren't fit to give.

Also, a huge lesson....Live well, now. The universe is infinite, but our current physical life is not. Things change from moment to moment, day to day. If I miss even a single opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to me or if I pass up an opportunity to do something different simply because it requires me getting out of my comfort zone in order to begin it, I've missed a moment of magic. The repercussions of that missed opportunity will reverberate throughout the rest of my life as 'could have been so amazing'. 'Could have been' is for pussy's.

And trusting myself to know... not on a 'mental' level; that's bullshit...but on an intuitive level...trusting that my life is magical, and that I really do have so much wisdom and beauty, grace and power, and that it is my obligation to the world to stop being such a pansy ass and get my truth out there, before my time is up and the people who could use my gifts decide they are tired of waiting around for me to share them.

Finally, there is a lesson in letting go of the guilt that I put myself through because in my growth I was too stuck to my own gunk to realize what I was doing. No 'could have beens' should ever be strong enough to stop me in my tracks. Traveling to New Mexico in a few months to see my soul sister will be an amazing journey. Evolving our relationship from a distance will be an enlightening and beautiful direction for our love to take. What is, simply is. Love will reach her no matter where on the planet she finds herself.