An odd combination

I've attempted four different blogs now.

The first one was supposed to be an unschooling blog, meant for documentation of what my girls do all day. I think I posted once.

The second blog was my Raw Foodist perspective, and was intended to be an ongoing journal of my eating habits.

The third blog that I started was my Liberty League blog. It was originally intended to be an advertising venue, mainly. I was hoping to link to it and have this amazing business story to tell.

As I write this, my fourth attempt at blogging, I've pretty much given up on separating anything.

So, instead of compartmentalizing all of my interests and activities, this is it. This is my blog.

It is here that you will find all of the events of my life, at least the ones that I choose to post about. I'll try to be diligent.

July 11, 2006

Today is a slow day. I've been using a meditation program called Holosync. I've heard a lot about it from succesful people that I respect. I'm on my 4th week. Some serious upheaval is going on in my brain as a result. I'm rethinking long held ideas and beliefs about who I am, where my life is going, and what I want for myself.

I find that going through this program is allowing me to release some seriously outdated beliefs about what I can and cannot achieve. As a result, a lot of what is going on in my life seems to be falling away. It's uncomfortable. It feels dangerous, as if I am about to leave behind, once again, all that I thought that I loved.

In addition, I am gaining clarity and focus. My intentions are clear, my determination is increasing. What I realize is that I truly can go anywhere at this point. The fear that once held me back seems to be an illusion. I thought I needed all of this stuff to keep me safe. But instead of safe, I've become stuck, or at least I thought I had, until recently.

I feel sad at times. I know that there will be some people who don't understand or agree with me. I have had a tendency, my entire life, to live so as not to aquire criticism from those I feel are closest to me. I've been an ostrich. I've ignored, selectively heard what I wanted to hear, refused to acknowledge and flat out denied my true feelings and the feelings of others. I just didn't want to make waves. The consequences seemed to me to be unbearable. I don't want to hurt anyone.

I want to be at peace.

I want my home life to be peaceful. I want my dietary and lifestyle choices to reflect that love of life and compassion. And they do.

How proud I am of Zena, who has truly blossomed into a uniquly kind and compassionate soul. I never could have imagined where her life would take her. She is inspiration to me. On the one hand, she has a firm and healthy grasp on what it means to be healthy. She has taken Raw food to a level that I never would have imagined. And she has inspired me to take those actions as well.

She came at her cruelty-free and physically superior views all on her own. I may have provided the base by raising her as a vegetarian, but I never would have imagined that she would take it so far and reap such amazing rewards. All this from a girl who would throw up it she even licked a green bean.

Her recipes are incredible. I'm so lucky that I have her to un-cook such tasty meals! Her self esteem is soaring as she watches her body change, and her vision of the future is truly inspiring to me. She is destined for greatness!