I just read something very moving and immensely important to my future and the future of the planet...Dr. Wayne Dyer, in his book '10 Secrets for success and Inner Peace' said something that I have heard before...but it affects me deeply still.
He said
"Don't die with your music still in you."
These last few months I have been placing a great deal of importance on things happening just the way that I think they should. Well, guess what ? Things haven't happened at all like I thought they would. In my disappointment of my presumed setbacks, and in my anger and lack of hope, I have fumbled my way to this place in my life. There are many things that I expected to be doing right now that I am not doing. There are many things that I didn't think I would still be doing right now that I am still doing. What kept these changes from happening? I could go on and on with a list of why this and why that occurred or didn't occur, but it would mostly be blaming and excuses. I want to stay away from blaming and excuses.
Does it really matter "Why?". I don't think it does. What matters right now IS right now.
Is what I am doing right now moving me forward to where I want to go? Yes. Right now I am doing something that I love. Right now I am in my own head. Right now I am loving myself. Right now I am pursuing action inside of my skull and my heart. Right now I am realizing that I love writing right now. I love manifesting my thoughts onto the page. I love the words flowing out from me, even if no one but me ever reads them. Right now I am finally beginning to understand what " Don't die with your music still in you" really means. It means live your passions...It means live like you mean it.
What is my music? Is it Liberty League? Is it selling x amount of beyond freedoms? Is that what it boils down to? I don't think so. I think my music is to inspire people. I think that, in all honesty, my "music" and my purpose here on earth at this time is to inspire people to do more...to be more...to love themselves more. But in order to do those things I must be, do and love myself more. I must be inspirational. I've read so many books and have been inspired countless times by the words of others. I have inspired myself with tarot readings and other tools of self-awareness.
For many years I collected my thoughts in journals and always referred back to them to ground myself on who I used to be and who I had become. When I got married to David, my journaling pretty much stopped. My writing pretty much stopped. I have picked it back up, very briefly here and there, but for the most part I got caught up in the business of struggle, the business of living. My children have never seen my music.
Have I ever really let my music flow forth into my life? Do I really know without a doubt what my passions are anymore? Can my passions be simply asking questions of myself and getting my thoughts down on paper? Or are my passions more involved? Do I want to speak in front of groups? To inspire them with my own words of love and peace? I always said that I wanted to write a book. Do I? Do I see myself as having the ability to teach and inspire?
I know that I am infinite in spirit. I know that I can do anything that my mind can fathom. I know without a doubt that the possibilities for my life are endless and totally up to me to decide.
What is my path? Where do I fit into the grand scheme of things? Where does LLI fit into the equation? What is my music? How can I best express that music from within me that stirs the emotions and warms my soul? These are questions that I am being guided to answer, for to avoid doing so will only lead me into greater frustration and discontent. I refuse to die with my music still in me.
I hear the phrase “It’s all about me” and I have to agree with it. It sounds so selfish, but not in the way one might think. If you understand, as I do, that “me” is not this body, this personality, this ego...If you truly get it that “ME” is all-there-is...universal light and spirit...then, yes, it’s ALL about ME. I am. I am everything. I am you, I am me, I am my cats, I am the house that I live in, I am the breath taken by my Betta fish, I am each raindrop and snowflake. I am the spider who spins a web in the corner of a window. I am the dog next door who barks nonstop. I am what my ego hates, and also what it loves.
I have so many possibilities before me! What do I choose? Which path do I walk when I want to walk more than one? I’ve found myself in the middle of this huge intersection, totally unsure of which direction to take, and I’m just standing here, waiting for someone or something to tell me which road to merge onto. In my indecision, I have found a discomforting sense of belonging, for it seems as if most of the people in the world are stuck in exactly the same place. Do we ever really understand the depth of our possibilities?
I want to follow the song in my heart, but I don’t always hear it. It is drowned out by the voices of ‘reason’ and ‘realistic thinking’. I allow the volume of my song to be turned down by those around me who are trying to help in the only way that they know how, by ‘warning’ me of the dangers, reminding me of my undeservability and the critics who have no faith in me. I am , myself, one of those critics.
I want so intensely to become all that I truly am. I know where my heart is taking me. Do I dare follow? And give up convention? Give up tradition? Forsake those who say they love me? Do I dare follow that quiet song and leave behind the life that I have known for so long. Do I loosen the ties that bind? These are questions that I think about each and every day. There are answers to be found within me. I am not rushed into finding the answers, despite what I feel at times. It is all unfolding naturally, and in the time frame that best suits me and my music.
